My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
