im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Pooping to opera.
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