His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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