chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize