One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
