You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
