By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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