I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
