i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
