I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize