"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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