I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
