Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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