gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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