I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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