Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
