how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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