i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
