I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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