nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
why is half of my head shaved?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
