omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
