If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
