There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
