My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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