Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
