i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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