Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize