like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
