Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
