im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So many bounce houses so little time
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize