We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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