There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
