So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
