I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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