Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
