as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
