The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
