why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
