It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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