I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
