i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
