hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Boobs speak an international language.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
