just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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