i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sorry about my life...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
