Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
