I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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