Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
