She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
