i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
