Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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