i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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