Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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