I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
