At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
