the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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