I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
