Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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