he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
