I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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