the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
