So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
