You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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