if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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