Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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