i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
