I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
