Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
