So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
