why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
