so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
