I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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