I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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