worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
