Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
