chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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