Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
