Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
