One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
