Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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