Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
