Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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