youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
