Non-Jews are for practice
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize