Apparently you make a good broom.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
