I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
