I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
