Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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