Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
