didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
