Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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