is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My day in three words: secret purse cake
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
