The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
