im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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