You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
