I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
