I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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