So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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