What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She told me I should be a condom model.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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