So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Boobs speak an international language.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
