Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
