Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
