I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she looked like the before picture.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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